TBH I Am A Massive Fan Of A Shallow Fuck, Don't @ Me

 
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Written by Sean Santiago.

 

There’s been a lot of talk about big dicks online this week. So much so that I feel compelled to come forward in praise of something else altogether: that underdog of dickdowns, the average penis.

While “average” is an elastic term that encompasses members of varying shapes and sizes, what we’re talking about here is firmly in the realm of approachability — you see her in the checkout line and try to make eye contact kinda dick. Approachable dick vibes only!

It didn’t occur to me that we might not be centering average or smaller-sized penises enough until Playboy published a piece dragging so-called big dick energy. As I read it I found myself nodding along to author Helen Donahue’s thoughtful statements of fact: “If a dude has a dick that's 8 inches or bigger, he better be unconditionally bomb at foreplay...because there's no way in hell I could learn to relish in that hard of a pounding.” It’s a fact — I cannot! Please god, finger me. Rim me majestically. Literally just look at my hole and say “hole” one more time!

Let me back up and state for the record: I am Literally Vers™. And while I have been the penetrative partner more and more as of late, and have found myself enjoying that role, I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m the dominant one. I don’t know that I have the aforementioned “big dick energy,” or rather, I won’t top you like Cate Blanchett would. (Although, let’s be honest, no one could top you like Cate Blanchett.)

As originally posited, BDE doesn’t necessarily relate to the actual size of one’s penis, real or imagined. But in the gay community we have a tendency to take cock at face value. I think porn trains us to see big dicks and impart them with more value than they’re actually worth; they retain a monopoly on gay pleasure because we fail to interrogate them — we don't ask more from them. The way we internalize the value systems of a Tim Fuck video skews our perspective on what pleasure looks like and where it comes from, turning the big dick into a totem disconnected from the physical act of intimacy — maybe even standing in, propped up on its own massive fleshy ball sack, for intimacy. And I guess if you don’t think that that’s bad news for good sex, then you can stop reading now! Whoops!

TBH, I am a massive fan of a shallow fuck, though it’s not like I have anything against a large penis in theory. I’ll be the first to admit that my eyes are bigger than my stomach — er…well, you know — when it comes to cock size. But if it looks amazing it feels like half an hour of, "Sorry, almost there, I think, maybe, could you just go three inches up and two to the left? Maybe I'm not elevated enough. Is this not hot for you? I should've told you I'm not a great bottom. This is my fault. Are you still hard?"

I asked a friend about How He Bottoms! to gauge how “normal” my position might be in the community. He said that for him, seeing a big dick was exciting — it turned him on to think it was all his, and was about to be all up in him. (I’m so sorry, that sentence needs to take a trek into the wilderness and find Gaia.) But that’s fair! The joy of gay sex looks like different things to different people. I get it. A big dick, an approachable dick, a finger, a tongue, toys. Just do me a favor and say “hole” one more time.—