Ten Questions With Presumed Bottom John Early

Illustrated by  Greg Kozatek .

Illustrated by Greg Kozatek.


The comedian and actor gamely took our questions about dick pics, Ashlee Simpson and falling in love. Text by Sean Santiago.

Are you literally "me" in the same way that Ashlee Simpson was simply "me"? Whose "me" do you think has more autonomy from Joe Simpson?
First of all, HAHAHAHA. I am VERY much trying to invoke that exact pop trope. Ashlee is actually a close friend, so I don’t feel comfortable with the second half of this question, you understand.

Have you been to Paris recently?
No, but if I’m being perfectly honest: I miss it. The cobblestones alone!!!

Describe a PERFECT first date.
A horse drawn carriage in Central Park followed by frozen hot chocolates at Serendipity 3. And if he’s lucky? I’ll drain him like a goddamn public pool.

Has comedy been a great way to meet guys? Or...no?

Do you ever feel competitive with other gay comedians? Like, are you worried if one of you gets a Comedy Central show they'll be like, "Cool, done with the gays"?
You’re YELLING. I don’t feel competitive with the gay comedians that started at the same time as me or were already doing it. It’s alllll love there. But recently as younger gay guys have started getting into comedy, I’ve been FURIOUS. [But] I’m not worried about there not being enough space on TV for all of us. At this point, Red Bull and Expedia are creating original content. We’re gonna be FINE.

Funny women are the reason I’m funny and the reason I feel okay talking about my taint on stage.

Dickpics: Good? Bad? Necessary evil?
Good! But give me CONTEXT!! Lemme see the rest of the body!! Throw in some socks!! Some sort of ceramic kitsch on the mantel behind you, I don’t know!! The dick alone looks like a dumb, sad dog.

Do you think the mainstream success of bluntly sexual female comedians like Bridget Everett and Amy Schumer opens doors for queered perspectives in comedy? Not that female sexuality is in some way deviant, but I kind of feel like in popular opinion it actually is?
I’m just a skinsuit of the women of SNL. Funny women are the reason I’m funny and the reason I feel okay talking about my taint on stage.

Jaden Smith is writing and directing his first feature film, an all-male remake of The Craft that will air exclusively on Hulu, and he wants you in it. What do you say?
A thousand times yes, but only if I’m in the Christine Taylor role.

When will you feel like you've "made it"?
I will feel like I’ve made it when I have more Twitter followers than Kate Berlant.

You're dancing alone in your room. What's playing?
Donna Summer Bad Girls full album. The transitions!!!!!

Catch Early in TBS's Search Party, premiering Monday, November 21.