Lady Gaga Is A Wig-Crumpling Revelation In ‘A Star Is Born’
If you’re reading this, you’re probably a homosexual and you probably already know to be true what I can immediately confirm: A Star Is Born is one of the greatest films that will ever be made.
I won’t bore you with why—see the goddamn movie for yourself—but I’ll quickly note that Bradley Cooper gives the greatest performance of his career while directing the story through a gorgeous, high-adrenaline lens.
But enough small talk. Obviously—most importantly—there’s Gaga.
Thesis statement: Lady Gaga fucking deserves Oscars for Best Actress and Best Original Song. I went into the movie knowing she would blow my mind. I’ve been a fan for the past ten years, since I was a pimply closeted freshman in high school privately drooling over the dancers in the “LoveGame” video. I know the transformations she’s capable of. I knew she would disappear into this role. But I still found my wig crumpled all the way in the back of the theater time and time again throughout the film, gasping with the revelation that, yes, she’s still that Rah Rah Bitch.
A few specifics I want to mention regarding her performance: look at her eyes throughout the film. There’s something transcendent going on there. Obviously, the singing. But, most importantly, the birth of Ally, a woman who endears herself to the audience while shattering their hearts. Ally is the name of her character and also a word meaning “a friend you can count on.” Coincidence?
So here’s my real reason for writing today: why the fuck are there still people out there trying to shit on Gaga?
“She can’t actually sing.” That’s one early critique I heard from my idiot classmates at the all-boys high school in Wisconsin I attended. Well, that’s disproved literally on her first album, The Fame: listen to the growling bridge of “LoveGame” or her live performances of “Paparazzi” and/or the Cherrytree Sessions version of “Poker Face.” It’s disrespectful to her to even entertain the idea she isn’t musically talented. You’re a FUCKING IGNORANT IDIOT if you think that. Go listen to “Gypsy” live, you fucking asshole.
Now, there’s going to be a new kind of slander against our Mother, and it sounds something like this: “She can’t act.” I’ve seen it on my Twitter feed already. There are really people out there with the audacity to say she shouldn’t win Best Actress. To that I say: Where do you get off, jealous bitch!?
She transforms into Ally. Go look back at her interviews, and her music videos, and her role on American Horror Story: Hotel. In this movie she’s a different person. A powerful performance is one that makes the audience feel. If you’re telling me you were not moved by Ally in A Star Is Born, you’re either lying or you need a fucking therapist. She put her whole soul into this movie! She even wrote almost the entire soundtrack (which, by the way, has way more songs on it than are in the movie, and they’re all so good and I scream-cried listening to it while eating dumplings in bed at 3 AM last night.)
Here are some exact quotes I’ve heard from straight men while discussing this movie over the past few weeks: “I just don’t have any interest in seeing that movie.” “It looks cheesy.” “I’m sure Gaga is talented, but I’m just not into it.” Honey. ARE YOU REALLY SO AFRAID OF PEOPLE THINKING YOU’RE AT ALL EFFEMINATE, OR POTENTIALLY GAY, THAT YOU WON’T EVEN ASSOCIATE YOURSELF WITH THE GREATEST ARTIST OF OUR LIFETIME BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE REPRESENTS?
I am fucking sick of hearing that shit! Get over your internalized homophobia and misogyny and fucking wake up! Everyone has their own tastes, of course, but if you watch this movie I truly believe that even the most self-hating of you out there will have to admit that Lady Gaga is an amazing artist.
And to the gays and women who are claiming the same things: how interesting you are for deciding not to like her! How important your opinions about acting are! Why don’t you go make a movie—oh, wait, I meant to say why don’t you go fuck yourself? If you’re still willing to tell me you’re “just not into her” after watching A Star Is Born, let me make something clear: I am just not into you, and guess what? I see right through your carefully constructed wall between you and this Living Legend: you have bad taste and you’re fucking gay!
Sorry for your loss, Glenn Close.—